Life’s Challenges

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written but y’all a sista has been super busy. This virtual learning is kicking my ENTIRE behind. I promise I have an all new respect for teachers especially the ones who work with kids with any type of special needs! Anyway, how y’all doing? I decided to write on a whim because I’m a bit stressed. My plate is overflowing with responsibilities of life. I have a 5 year old who is ADHD with signs of autism,a 6 year old with GI issues,and I’m trying to save the world!

My 5 year old is the sweetest thing ever but she’s runs circles around us with her hyper behavior. In all honesty we knew something was different about her in comparison to all our other children (she’s the 8th in line) and when he preschool,her OT,and her ST pointed it out to us,we knew we needed to get her tested. We were hesitant because,as a whole, the medical community tends to label black and brown kids with ADHD more often than they don’t but we knew that we had to be more open-minded on this subject because of how she acts. As we figured,it was confirmed that she is indeed ADHD with hints of autism, although we still have to get her officially for that. We declined giving her meds but we did do some research and found that a lot of times ADHD and autism go hand in hand. Thankfully,we also have found some resources to help us with different things to calm her down and help her focus. She also has an IEP(Individualized Education Program)which helps us as parents and her teachers to set goals for her based on her needs. During the day or every other day,dad and I switch who sits with her while in class because she definitely drains us! LoL! We’re learning how to be the best for her, ourselves,and each other.

Our 6 year old was born having stomach issues. He has a very difficult time pooping on his own. At 3 days old he had to have a colostomy bag! He’s been in and out the hospital since then and now he freaks out whenever he sees a needle but at this point I can’t say that I blame him. We’re at the hospital right now and have been since 6am so he could have Botox shots in his behind. The reason being that we’re hoping it’ll help prevent him from tightening up when it’s time to poop. It seems like he wouldn’t do that,right? But because it’s painful for him to poop,he’d rather hold onto it than actually low it to come out. We have to give him prescription Miralax,ex lax,and magnesium citrate during those times of difficulty and more than once a day. Then we also have to put a pull up on him and have him lay on top of pads just in case the poop leaks out of his pull up which usually does happen. Now keep in mind we’re doing this with 6 other kids in the house,with the exception of one they are all doing virtual learning,we still have responsibilities in and outside of the house,and we still have to make sure our 3 year old has the attention he needs. Yes, exhaustion is not even the word for how we feel. This is the 1st time our 6 year old has had to come to the hospital during Covid-19 so he had to set the Covid-19 test done and that in itself was hard to deal with. Having something pushed all into your nose is horrible but then add that to a 6 year old who is already traumatized by medical procedures and you have a mess on your hands. Thankfully,the nurse did an amazing job and he didn’t cry too long. Also,dad is an amazing caregiver and was right there in the backseat with him to hold his hand and love on him. Dad is back there now caring for our son before and after the procedure. He’s such an amazing man,dad, husband and I’m so appreciative to him. Y’all, please don’t take the health of yourselves,your kids,and those you love for granted because it’s definitely a blessing not having to deal with hospitals especially during the times we live in.

Finally,saving the world! I volunteer for Durham Crisis Response Center,where I speak to victims of DV/SA over the phone. Initially,it was face to face at the hospital but Covid-19 has changed that. It’s hard to hear the stories of abuse at any level but I love knowing that I helped that person deal with that crisis in some type of way. Even if they just want to cry while on the phone with me,I just listen to them cry and offer words of comfort. I also part of an volunteer organization called Fayetteville St Corridor Fellowship. We focus on bridging the gap of communication between the predominantly black neighborhood and the city. So we inform and encourage that corridor to fill out the census,to attend city budgeting events, and we also are working on how to improve their mindsets. As far as the city goes we let them know that we can’t be included as a means to get grants but then are forgotten once the money is given. We also inform them of what our communites need vs what they think we need. It’s very rewarding because I love giving people hope when they feel their is none. I love being a voice for people who don’t have one! I also do 2 shows on Facebook live! One is with my sister circle where we talk about pop culture, politics,and everything else under the sun. We created the group,”A Tribe Called Women” for black women and women of color as a safe space to vent and celebrate. The other live that I do is with my husband and is called,”Life after the L Word” where we talk about anything dealing with relationships:love, co-parenting,racism,kids,bills, and everything else that involves different relationships. Y’all,see how I just promoted those two Facebook groups?! LoL! Make sure you join! My last superhero movement is training to become a licensed Peer Support Specialist! This is so important to me because it involves my passion:helping people. I want to be the person that positively changes lives. I have a saying,”your current situation doesn’t have to be your destination,” I came up with that because of my own life. I thought I was always going to be the negative labels that were put on me by my family and myself. I didn’t think I could be anymore than an addict or a baby having,non college educated,black girl with different baby daddies. Let me tell y’all,I’m so much more than that. I don’t have a college education but I have an education nonetheless. I’m no longer an addict,I’m in a healthy marriage,I’m working towards fulfilling my passion,and I’m in a better space. That’s what I want to bring to my clients:hope and success as they see it.

Life comes with so many struggles but within those struggles comes triumph. I’m so thankful and happy to those who take the times out of their day to read any of my blogs because you could be doing anything else. Believe it or not being able to write my thoughts,feelings,and opinions out and have people read them brings me joy especially when I’m feeling down. My kids come with a lot but they’re more than worth the frustrations,the aftermath,the lack of sleep,and everything else but they’re amazing and inspiring to me. Saving the world is what gives me drive and makes me feel like I have a purpose. I thrive in making a positive impact on all those I cross paths with. I get tired and exhausted but I’m here y’all and I’m not going anywhere!

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