I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest,my daughter, someone asked me what I was having. After I told them I was pregnant with a girl her response was she didn’t want girls because they bring babies home. I didn’t think anything of it then but for some reason today,it dawned on me just now toxic that statement is.
That statement seems superficial at first,right? But let me put it into a deeper level for you. To say that girls bring babies home is to also excuse the father from being accountable. I only assume that the girl is underage or a young adult,which means the father is as well. That means,like the mom lives with her parents,the dad lives with his which means that dad should also be bringing a baby home. As much baby things that are at 1 grandparents house should also be at the other grandparents house. I’m about to make some of y’all mom’s mad when I say/write this but y’all have got to let your boys grow up and then you have to teach them to not grow up to be these toxic me kids who think their accepted by women just because you accepted it. Then I want y’all to stop looking at the woman to fix herself when really you son is the issue.
My daughter is now 18 and I won’t even pretend that she’s this innocent little girl but I’m not raising her to be a doormat either. She’s going to make mistakes along the way because that’s just life but I refuse to have her carrying the guilt of another person’s lack of raising responsible and accountable men. Why should my daughter’s carry the burden of having to be a girlfriend/wife and mother to a grown man?
Another pang of raising a daughter is the whole rape culture environment and the way that people have the need to encourage it. I had a conversation with someone when this whole R. Kelly thing came out and she felt like it was on the girls and not his grown behind self. Even when it came to Bill Cosby, people asked why the women would meet him in private knowing he’s married. Even in 2019/2020 women are expected to be model citizens while men are expected to be able to have the,”boys will be boys” mentality. The issue shouldn’t be why our daughters were a certain places nor should the issue be why our daughters wear particular clothing,the issue should be why men are forgivingly too weak to stop themselves from sexual assault and rape no matter where a woman is at and what she has on. If a woman’s location and dress made a difference why are fully clothed nuns and women who typically cover themselves up,and physically and mentally impaired women,and elderly women raped? Why are men raped? This is why that mindset of blaming women makes no since because rapist are sick individuals who don’t care about anything but the power of what rape gives them.
My final issue I want to address when it comes to raising daughters in this toxic world is the stigma of black women being these angry, bitter individuals. When did standing up for yourself and being proud of who you are become a problem? Since when did it become an issue to verbally express your positive and negative emotions? Or is it okay to have those qualities as long as you’re a man? Once again women are expected to be mute when our feelings are hurt or when we’re angry yet should be compassion when men’s feelings are hurt. I have lived that life where being quiet was expected,where when I did express myself I was told I was trippin and too emotional. When in reality my feelings were valid considering I knew what I was talking about. I wasn’t trippin,I was reacting to being done wrong. I’ve seen too many women become damaged,hold it in,and then lose their sanity only to be looked at, by both men and women,as if they have no reason to have had a mental breakdown.
I titled this blog as,”The pangs of raising daughters,” but in reality raising daughters isn’t the issue. The issue is the way men are raised to think they only they matter. That they can do whatever they want and the world will adapt to them while happily sacrificing the daughters of the world in order to protect the fragile manhood of men who can’t help themselves. It’s crazy to think that these men who can’t keep their hands to themselves,who can’t be responsible nor accountable are the same ones who are supposed to be these all knowing beings. No,that’s not crazy,it’s actually scary. It’s scary that women are dead set on protecting these men at the expense of themselves and their daughters.
Raising our daughters is annoying and hard. They are a reflection on who you were and are as a girl and a woman but that’s where the pangs should end. This blog wouldn’t even exist if y’all would raise your boys to understand the world isn’t theirs alone.